February/March 1997

And before I heard, I knew. Not in an instant, but rather in a second the words flashed into my head. I could swear I knew before I even realized I knew.  2/25/97

Have the faces changed, the looks transformed, eyes judging in a different manner? Could I just see now what has always existed?  2/25/97

Instant reaction is delayed. Windows to a soul are closed. Nothing makes sense anymore. 2/26/97

It was all in good fun, a smile here, a laugh there; happiness was felt but still remained ignored.  2/26/97

Life has remained in limbo for much too long. Another day is how I live, like an ignorant human I believe the promise of tomorrow.  2/29/97

I now know what I must do, to accomplish the impossible, a task so many times avoided. Yes, once again I give in.  3/1/97

She finds me when I stand to sit alone, like a shadow who will walk beside and behind.  3/14/97

Who does not know me as I know me, as I think, hear and feel, as I dread, hurt and heal? Is it company, in and among company that renders you into a state of total oblivion? What does it mean anyway, and if even at all, why should it matter to me?  3/14/97

In the past it was all about life and how to go about living it. Now, it is all about me and how I’m going to live with it.  3/14/97

I’m not saying it’s how I was brought up, though it could have something to do with my mental anguish. Blame is not the issue in this case. As it most likely seems to you that I am a zombie with no personality and no opinions on any aspect of life, the opposite ironically stands to be true. What you seem to not understand is what you yourself actually deal with every second of your own life as well. It isn’t as easy as you fake it to be. To have a total different view of self-concept but yet still suffer in the same way. We mimic each other.  3/15/97


Author: Lindsay Niemann

Writer | Graphic Artist