At first the question was why, then what, now it is how? After days, months, years of mental anguish eating at me every living second of my life, I still have yet to overcome. The good thing is that I am not suffering from depression (as much) anymore, now it is total confusion. What I do know is to try and lose myself in every way possible. When the chance comes to make a connection with another soul, I find myself buried so deep in my paranoid thoughts of ludicrous character guessing techniques that I miss the opportunity. I listened to that statement more closely than you had anticipated, what was it? You told me in so many words that I hated all people, that I disliked everyone I came in contact with. Is this really the way you perceive me to be? After all this time could it be you never understood who I was, who I am? Could I actually be that misleading in my ways? Being around you while you are alone with me I realize how different we are when congregating with others. I too am guilty of putting on an act in certain company. While we judge the world and accuse our race of false behavior, we forget to acknowledge our own convictions. Hypocrisy is my most hated trait in a human being, but as I have come to find out, we are all guilty of it. What the difference is explains the situation clearly. I can admit to my fault as you will deny what obviously exists. Where did we go wrong in communication? How do we overcome what has placed itself between us? Can we ever listen? So I finally came to the conclusion that if I wasn’t going through this major catastrophe, it would be something else.
March 30, 1997