I fear that I have lost the ability to love. I mean, I know I love my family and my friends so maybe love is the wrong word. Sometimes I just have a hard time caring about what someone else is saying. Words go through one ear and out the other as I just sit there in a daze thinking about myself, my own problems, and how much I just don’t care. I hate that about myself. Why can’t I just listen and forget about myself long enough to actually hear? Like two years ago when I came to the conclusion that the answer is to lose yourself as much as possible and only then will piece of mind come, only then will I find myself, and it still seems that it should be the thing to do. I just can’t figure out how.
August 10, 1997