Nobody can know how bad it really is. Words are a far cry from the truth, all they do is lessen the importance of the situation and mislead the ear. I can no longer trust, or love, or feel anything except bitterness and hate. My friendship is selfish and deceiving just as I have been taught by others, in the end I gave in and followed. All is fake with me tonight, and as I wallow in my own self-pity it disgusts me even more when my own pathetic-ness is revealed. Three months and almost a year I welcome my long-awaited vacation that has been put off since adolescence. Youth is my enemy as fear becomes my breath.
December 2, 1997