I feel it coming. It hits hard. It hits fast. Shooting stars keep falling in the same place and although I could watch till the sunrise despite mood swings, the air is too chilled for my thin layer of warmth. Sometimes willpower is not enough when the enemy is a lifelong friend. So much to do, so much to accomplish, but I can do anything, I can go anywhere, I can be anyone. After about an hour or two of this reality begins to set in as the “enemy” shows his true colors. Conversations mean nothing. Television does no good. Food is unappetizing. Sleep is craved but impossible. Today I hurt the feelings of a loved-one because of carelessness. I wasn’t thinking straight. I plead temporary insanity. Man, I feel horrible. The point is I should have known better. It was just something planted in my head that upon confrontation makes absolutely no sense to me at all now. These little insecurities are invading my life more than I thought they could. More than they should.
December 12, 1998