I’m still looking for the words to explain what needs to be said, and written, and heard. But how can I release something that has yet to be grasped? It needs to be made simple and absolute. No fancy verses, no similes, no metaphors, no symbolism, no poetry. I have come to many conclusions about various situations that needed to be…concluded. There is peace of mind within these pages. Many a nights have been spent sitting Indian style on this scratchy carpet dwelling on fallen stars, forgotten relics, and back-stabbing storytellers who leave you on a cliffhanger. Uh oh, that’s symbolism isn’t it? Although it shall forever seem that I am frozen in some alternate chamber in time, I have actually come a long way maybe even in the right direction. A few nights ago I read my first journal and it was then that I came to the realization that much has been accomplished in the last four years. First of all, I finally managed to graduate high school from my correspondence classes. Granted it was a year late, but who cares if I finish last? At least I finished. I tried my hand at college for two semesters and will be going back this fall hopefully. My vision is not as blurred as it once was. Miles have been added on to my dream which can now be seen in the broad daylight and out of the dim shadows. I am still in the prime of my youth and with this on my side I am able to believe in the impossible, and with enough determination, make it a reality. I put off getting a real job until I was twenty-one. Pretty good, huh? This was a hard task to accomplish, but through a friend’s friend’s husband I landed my first job making hamburgers at a bowling alley for six bucks an hour. Six months later I am working under better conditions at a well log company making seven bucks an hour. My brother got me hired on, he works there too, believe me they would not have hired me otherwise. Nobody wanted me. Time does tend to drag by on a set eight hour schedule, but my thoughts are riding high on a wave of ideas and lofty dreams that keeps the focus clear and keeps my body seated instead of standing up and walking out the door. What is it about being on the road that excites me so much? It is my obsession. I just feel so at home, and relaxed, and free when traveling. My inspiration peeks for there is much to be experienced and explored. The goal is to save up enough money and buy a bus or RV and travel the states as far as we can go. “We” being Gwen, her boyfriend Lyle, Jena (maybe) and myself. So far I have saved up about $700. Not bad but still not enough. It will be easier when I get my car paid off which will be in September. Oh how I would like to spend this summer on the beach.
April 21, 1999