They have cut down all the trees by my house. On the way to work the other day I looked around and for a split second I thought I was lost. Just recently I read in the newspaper that Houston now holds the number one spot for the city with the most smog. Yup, we finally beat out L.A. If I knew that tomorrow would not be seen I would leave tonight. Common sense is turning out to be an enemy for all this planning and saving and waiting and planning is wearing thin. I think time is playing a joke on me by winding the clock forward while I’m sleeping, or maybe I just sleep too much. Any way you look at it we are at the end of a year and the beginning of a millennium and I am literally watching myself fading from the back window. Some days I don’t think about where I came from or where I’m going. I just sort of exist and go where the day takes me which is usually nowhere. Sometimes I know I am on the right track and other times it is as if I’m fooling myself. Mostly I’m just doing what I think I do best. I’m recording conversations. I’m looking outside of myself. I’m watching my step and stimulating my brain with positive feedback from negative odds. I am protecting my will.
October 15, 1999