Strong accusations have been made and I am not sure how to handle this situation. I am finding it hard to find what never needed to be found before. My mind has matured since those younger days – something I never thought would happen. Maybe my love is habitual, and after having been introduced to a problematic situation, maybe it is time to evolve. At thirteen I never thought about “long-run” consequences that might come to a surface in the future, but here we are at the threshold of one of those consequences. There are some things that I feel I may never speak aloud. At this point, I have never even written those secrets down, nor will I ever. I can’t. For myself, for him, for her, for them, I can’t. What I really want to do is play ignorant which is unusual for my personality. But what you don’t understand is that most people would rather not hear the truth no matter how much they think they would. We no longer live within a circle, and I feel I know more strangers now than I do friends. Some secrets, true secrets, are secrets for a reason.
May 15, 2000 (1:30 am)