Uninspired. Across the country temperatures are dropping but I’m still waiting for a cold front to freshen the air. My eyes are shifting gears again as they begin to look instead of see. I question my capabilities and label myself a coward when compared to triumphs accomplished by others. But I must not “cut myself short” for I have done more than some and as much as others. I am tired of complaining about this and that. I am annoyed with conversations ending with the uneducated, habitual “whatever”. Drowsy cold medication continues stealing my energy that was already running low. My impatience only worsens the situation yet I cannot control this insatiable need for rediscovery. If I could just find that window of opportunity I’ve heard so much about I would be on my way to that life I have envisioned. I am getting to know myself all over again and I am aware that it won’t be the last – it is a lifelong chore.
November 5, 2000