Still restless. A thousand nights reveal to me where the years have gone. I am looking to myself for change but it is much too convenient to wait until tomorrow for results. My current lifestyle has led to laziness, and the path I see myself tracing leads to an association of a mediocre and meaningless existence I am very much against. Not long ago I knew exactly what I wanted to do, and be, and see, but my anticipations have expanded to diverse and new fields that I now find myself overloaded and confused in limbo. Being an adult forces one to depend on their own instincts just the way nature intended, but I cannot distinguish between far-fetched fantasies and realistic realities. My natural instinct is sometimes difficult to recognize when I have been branded along with the rest of the cattle, but then again, this prevents an over-enthusiastic ego from gaining strength. I have the tendency to judge beyond the reach of my knowledge, and being that my most hated trait is hypocrisy, I practice the art of thinking before speaking. I shall achieve my boundaries.
December 31, 2000