How many times have I been here? This familiar mood settles in and I routinely follow through shutting off the world I used to be a part of. I stay away. There is a part of me telling myself to “calm down and look how much worse it could be,” but I never seem to listen to that part of me. I am growing bored of this, but each time I try to conquer these dark tones of irrationality, I eventually come back for more. I have misplaced importance and misused the power of depth to an extent that leaves me no other option than to go back to the beginning. I have been holding my head much too high and partaking in actions I don’t necessarily agree with. But most of all, I have been taking my opportunities for granted and turning life experiences into negative interruptions. What is wrong with me? Today, I have made the decision to forget about that which causes me the most pain and concentrate on what is in my control and that which will bring me joy. I possess the unwanted talent of turning something unbelievably simple into a difficult and almost impossible task. Look at what you have, where you are, how you got here, and where you’re from. Focus!
July 18, 2001