Ageism

June 27, 2002

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And another CD plays on while, at the same time, I come to a much needed understanding. A week after my 25th birthday and I thought it had gone by quite smoothly with no qualms about hitting the dreaded “mid 20’s”, but for the last two days I have been experiencing delayed reactions to my inevitable progression through life. Tonight I have come to accept the process of aging, and perhaps I have finally put to rest my obsessive fear of growing old. My passions will continue to flourish, mature, and gain strength. My mind will still be mine except upgraded with knowledge, depth, and wisdom. My body will be more in touch with my fully remodeled mind, and with a few more lines to define my personality more deeply, I will remain unchanged…

There is a five year interval where a major shift arises and takes place, and if you’re lucky, a long-awaited burst of creativity, ambition, and newfound inspiration, all of which may very well be the ingredients for a highly productive and rewarding beginning. I would like to learn how to play the guitar, and piano, and the obo. I was talking to a friend over a nice dinner at Pizza Hut and confided with her the overwhelmingly directionless direction I seem to be headed. College has me confused as I am now clueless as to what I would like to devote my time doing. Music has always been my first love, and although a career in this field is cut-throat, fabricated, controlled, and impossible to succeed, I only want to make music for myself, and I have a sneaking suspicion I may possess a hidden talent. My poetry is growing lonely.

I have class in three hours and have not the time to sleep for my focus is a year from now and preparations are still only thoughts. I need a job and A2D is my first place to look. I need a car, and a job can supply me with that. I need to take my crummy six-string guitar down to a music shop, proclaim my utter ignorance towards the instrument, and ask them if it would be sufficient to learn on, and if they could string it for me. I need to go to Yellowstone this next summer and perhaps stay in Grant Village this time instead of Gardiner. I need to pass this college algebra course so I can receive my associate’s degree and prepare for higher learning. I need to be myself and let go of procrastination, insecurity, premature reactions, and above all, fear.

Author: Lindsay Niemann

Writer | Graphic Artist