I wish I could say that I welcome each new day, but my eyes repel the sun and my skin turns paper white from years of under exposure. I wish I could say I have a sunny disposition, but a smile I refuse to fake, and my thoughts are much too morbid. I wish I could say that money didn’t matter, but I’m running low on supplies and have no way to replenish my needs. I wish I could say that things are getting better, but I’m right here where I’ve always been, chasing the same dream, running into the same problems, and wrestling with the very same worries. I wish I could say I’m a positive thinker, but I know how many things can go wrong, and aren’t I lucky to have had the opportunity to experience such happenings? I wish I could say that I believe in destiny, but nothing is ever that easy, and idealism fades with youth. I wish I could say I have a plan of action, but I am drifting towards an unknown future and realizing I will never truly get there. I wish I could say I have confidence in myself, but I am unsure about absolutely everything and insecure about my competence. I wish I could say that I have never woken up crying.
August 7, 2002