I don’t know if the correct word is hate or not, but somewhere along the line I lost almost a truck load of love. So this is what they mean by change. Is it safe to say that I now know the reason for your kind and seemingly kindred heart was as shallow as I had periodically suspected? But the words don’t flow quite as easily as when I had to think less before I spoke, and although I am still struggling to convey the appropriate words, and feelings, and reactions, I am proud of what’s already been spoken in a faraway secluded memory where I was still not sure of your understanding. What I’m trying to say is that I am chopped full of regret and attempting to overcome the trials of shame, secrecy, and betrayal. I am trying to put you to rest. So I will use all that’s been used to my favor and exploit the already exploited at my shear expense, and you will progress through your twilight years where death emits a magnetic pull and steadily draws you into orbit. But hate is a strong word and I am trying to brighten my disposition by disposing of prehistoric baggage in which I no longer care to claim responsibility. I needed you to help me see the world, and while we have shared a lifetime of irreplaceable memories, I have since branched out on my own and discovered that I have simply outgrown you.
November 30, 2002