A surge of emotions is pumping through my veins and infecting my blood with a colorful mix of anxiety, excitement, sadness, fear, and happiness. My body violently tremors as this concentrated formula invades my inner workings, but I feel alive. This next year I will begin to put my experiences and learnings to good use in an effort to prevent their process of decay. I must preserve what I have acquired. There is so much that I need to fix, so many repairs that need to be done to myself. The uncertainty and invisibility of my future is weighing me down, but I must move slowly through this dark and winding hallway until an unwanted or no longer needed torch is left for me to stumble upon. Somehow I must learn to enjoy the always present and unavoidable unknown. It is imperative that I continue to grow for it would be a sign of ignorance to indelibly remain the same. Everything I feel at this moment in time is a prerequisite for things to come. Everything I so intensely feel is a positive reaction to the change of pace I greedily crave. My blood is thick with foreign substances invading its path to the heart and is forced to carry these tourists along with it. I am opening up myself to deities outside of my familiar realm, and freeing distractions that I have held tight to for so long.
December 27, 2002