It is almost here. My time is fast approaching, no matter how prepared or unprepared I am, but nothing can induce fear or replenish my anxieties like the way my move to Yellowstone did a year and a half ago. I guess I’m ready for anything and utterly sick of “nothing”. Change is a highly recommended antidote for unhappiness and boredom, and while I agree with this well-known formula, I as well contemplate why change is so feared and hated when it is so useful.
Christmas again. This will be the first year my brother will not be spending it at home with family as he has picked up permanent residency in Montana. It won’t be the same, but I am still very much looking forward to spending it with the rest of the family, including my brother’s girlfriend’s parents who are soon to be my in-laws in three more months. The malls are packed, and as I stepped outside for a break from the crowds and to smoke a cigarette, I noticed a group of teenagers who were also lighting up a few feet away from me. They were dressed mostly in black and sported non-traditional haircuts and hair colors. They had body piercings and combat boots, chains, dog collars, and concert t-shirts. They reminded me of me and my friends. I realized that I was probably almost ten years older than these kids, and I stood there deep in my obsessive thoughts, once again, pondering the concept of time and progression, and growing old. How could it be that I am already in my mid-twenties? Does this group of wildly expressive adolescents look upon me as old? Surely not! What will become of me in the next ten years?
On my 25th birthday I chopped off all my hair and decided to grow it back out anew. I have dark circles under my eyes that I don’t think have been there before. I have a small, noticeable only to me, line on my brow. I have matured quite a bit in the last year which I attribute to Yellowstone. I have a long way to go yet.
After completing that horrid logic class that I so naively signed up for, my associate’s degree has finally been obtained. College was never something I thought I would be a part of, but here I am moving on to the next stage of my higher learning content that I am steadily moving in only one direction this time. In my past I have been reluctant to consider alternative possibilities pertaining to my realm of existence, but upon reflection, I am convinced of the necessity of this very act.