There’s no place for a writer in this town. I’ve been doing contract work, which is at least paying me something, but I’m still looking for a full-time position. Everything is so up in the air, and although stability and security used to be a turn off to me in my earlier day, I feel myself wanting it more and more these days. I don’t want to settle down in Houston, but I think I’m stuck for the time being. I thought about giving Yellowstone another go, but I don’t think I could handle living in the Bunk House again. I still have reoccurring dreams about that place, and sometimes I wake up wishing I was still there, and other times I’m happy I woke up. Mixed feelings. I did apply for a job with the print shop in Yellowstone, but they’re not hiring. I thought about applying for something in Human Resources, and I still might. It wouldn’t be so bad if Stacy and I were roomies. We get along fabulously and she’s very tidy. That’s a major plus.
Still lacking confidence after all these years. Too late to change now, but I’m better than I used to be, and as I grow old with myself, I realize how much we’re still strangers.
My smoker’s hack is driving me crazy. I’m up to a pack a day. I can’t believe I’ve been smoking for 13 years now.
Until it’s taken its toll and music no longer fills my soul, until my mind begins to slow, I’ll keep living in the only world I know. 12/23/05
Back to the grind, sacrifice my time, but it’s better than it was before, a long time coming, for one final door, and what do you know, I made it through on a slim chance, and maybe a lie or two.