Today was one of those days…
I’d like to be somebody else for a while and forget about my current status as a human being. Nothing will come from anything, and I’m at the point of packing my bags and heading north for the spring season where I know there is always a place for me. My how we fall apart when things don’t go our way. Lost jobs, shelved dreams and pointless days are driving me out of my mind, and I’ve been chasing after the green like a used car salesman – desperate and attacking any prospects within a sixty mile radius. Competition is brutal in this rat race known as the business world, and I’m continuously being “outshined”. Today, I cried like my best friend had just died. I didn’t eat or run a brush through my hair or change into clothes that weren’t used for sleeping. I walked around the house, a dull-eyed, shaggy-haired mess, ignoring my crying pets and staring through the television where the chattering of news reporters turned into an unknown language. It had been building up for several weeks, this brutal breakdown, but with tomorrow looming ahead of me, I must temporarily come to my senses and pretend as if tomorrow is a brand new day with the potential to restore my hope and spirit.
November 11, 2005
Rested up and over myself, I gear up for another round of rejection, disappointment and self-loathing. Not yet on the receiving end of something wonderful, but something wonderful is overrated, and I wouldn’t know what to do with it if I had it.
November 12, 2005
I want you to know that you cross my mind at least once a day. You must understand, I had to get away, with or without you, I gave us up to save myself, and you, I think you just gave up.