The end of chaos is in sight. I can see it smiling at me in the near distance, my closing statement, my call to action, my last attempt at clearing a fog of confusion that only a third party can truly accomplish. The defense and persecution rests – it’s time to move on. What I have endured for the past year, what I have uncovered, what I have learned is enough to land anyone in a straight-jacket. Fortunately, I’m not just anyone. I’m the devil’s worst nightmare, and God only knows the truth behind this statement. God only knows the living hell that has been my life for the past year. In all honesty, it’s nothing I want to write about. I don’t wish to relive it, or explain it, or even briefly discuss the more engaging details of it – I only wish to forget it, but that is an impossibility for me. I won’t let my mind be erased. I won’t let my thoughts be forgotten, or covered up, or replaced with some artificial imitation of life. I won’t let the devil win. That, my friends, is a battle I will fight alongside Jesus when the time is finally at hand. I don’t wish to discuss it but yet I have to. I’m a writer, that’s what I do. It’s my release, my God-given talent that I refuse to let the devil use against me. I refuse to back down. The end is in sight because I say it is, because it was written nearly twenty years ago in one of my journals (because that’s how the devil works) but I’m getting way ahead of myself. For now, I need only to concentrate on healing and taking my life back. I need to put things in perspective and separate the wheat from the tares – an ongoing task but one that is becoming easier and easier. It seems that all of my dreams have come true, not the goals and expectations I set for myself, not the pleasant daydreams that rescue me from my current reality, but my actual dreams. The reoccurring ones, the ones that stay with me even after the morning haze has been replaced with coffee, these are the dreams that have come to fruition – all except for one that is. It’s the one that keeps me awake at night and haunts me during the day when my mind is unoccupied and free to wonder. It’s the one that has me thinking that the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ is soon at hand.
September 6, 2016